Crap film tip

Never, ever watch anything with Matthew McConoughay in it.

Porn tip

Always, always, always, always delete your search history before lending your laptop to your brother.

Personality Tip

If someone describes you as "irreverent", it's not a compliment...per se...

Under the Thumb tip

A little emasculation goes a long way

Introspection tip

A notebook by the side of a man's bed (to be used for scribbling down dreams before he forgets them or noting down ideas for song lyrics etc) is what we call a deal breaker

Stalker tip #2

Apparently it's best to wait more than one hour before replying to a Facebook message, in fact it's best to wait about a week...especially if it takes your stalkee, on average, 21 days to reply each time...

Stalker tip

If you really really MUST spend 2 hours creating a word document of your favourite profile photos of your current crush alongside celebrities they resemble, make sure not to show ANOTHER LIVING SOUL

I have a life tip

Just sign out of Facebook chat so you can stalk ALL day without everyone knowing you spend ALL day stalking on Facebook

Shopping Tip

Do not purchase your beer for a quiet night from an off-licence on a housing estate-it will be 9% proof.

Aloof Tip

When trying to come off as casual and low maintenance, keep it to less than 8 texts a day yeah?..

Ryan Gosling Tip

Don't allow yourself more than 4 visits per month to fuckyeahryangosling.tumblr.com you'll feel more lonely and less of a catch than ever

Discreet Tip

Make sure to move all your 'toys'/'hardware'/'marital aids' from the suitcase you told your Mum she could borrow BEFORE she comes round to get it

Sequinned Bra Tip

Just because it's the single only bra made entirely of sequins in the entire county, doesn't change the fact it's only a B cup and will look ridiculous

Kinky Tip

When you decide to surprise your beau by arriving at his workplace in stockings and a basque, be sure to leave a note for yourself on the dashboard reminding your future self to fasten her coat up before she exits the car...and enters the building

Sad Fact Tip

Apparently you can NOT tan away your stretch marks, no matter how long you lay out there with legs splayed out to the sides like a frog

Thin Tip

Only attend classes like "Fitness Pilates" or "Shape and Tone"; you'll be the youngest person there by several decades and will look comparatively amazing

Taking Control Tip

Flow chart quizzes in magazines are not to be mistaken for real therapy and/or diagnosis; if one of these flow charts leads you to a result suggesting you have depression/herpes/an infidel boyfriend, throw the offending magazine out of the window and get on with your life

Decency Tip

NO, a derriere skimming, corseted playsuit is not appropriate attire for lunch with ones prospective in laws

Sex Tip

When bent over your sumptuous hotel bed en flagrante be sure that the door is in fact locked, or even actually closed to for that matter

Birthing Tip

Just because the birth scene in the finale of Glee was set to Bohemian Rhapsody does NOT mean you will have that much fun...steer clear of child birth

Underwear Tip

If you're going to toss your nasty used thong in the laundry basket, don't miss and then leave it there staring at me on the floor

Happiness Tip

Listen to this every day and take heed of all the advice, except for the advice about keeping old love letters; ignore this advice and continue to berate your boyfriend for adhering to it

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sTJ7AzBIJoI

Running Tip

When feigning enthusiasm at your boyfriend's plan to do a 10k run for charity, try not to sound too genuine lest you receive an email confirming YOUR registration shortly thereafter

Driving Tip

If when borrowing your mother's car you drive into a large pot hole, do not continue on as if you did not drive into a large pot hole, she WILL notice her tyre is flat the next morning

Gym Tip no.2

It's definitely never ever O.K to offend twice in one week in the SAME SHORTS

Rodent Tip

If a stray cat moves into your shed it doesn't mean it likes you, it means you've got rats in there and it's eating them

Maternity Tip

Wearing maternity jeans just because "they're comfy" and not because you're pregnant is not 'kooky' or 'inventive' it is moronically sad

Secret Whore Tip

Don't be asking around the house accusingly where your bras have gone every Sunday evening when we all know your Post Meridian activities rarely end with as many clothes as they started in

Gay Tip

Do not compliment a gay on his Lady Gaga t-shirt when he is wearing a Madonna t-shirt, you will asked to leave the training seminar

Unemployment Tip

Don't watch too much Oprah or before you know it, you'll be balls deep in pritstick and glitter making a 'Vision Board'

Gym Tip

Powder blue cycling shorts are never O.K at a spinning class, especially not on YOU grunting middle aged hairy man

Skiving Tip

When 'working from home' leave yourself logged onto the remote server and go lay outside in the garden until 5pm

Fidelity Tip

If you spend 3+ nights a week in your room with the door shut with your personal trainer who is not your boyfriend, it doesn't matter if you're not actually having an affair because it really looks like you're having an affair